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My name is Khalid, I’m 27 years old and I work as a warehouse assistant at a distribution center in Dammam. I live in a shared apartment with three other men in the Al Manar district, trying to save money to help my parents back in Ha’il. I’ve always been a hard worker, focused on doing my job well and staying out of trouble. I dreamed of maybe one day getting a small loan to start a modest business importing goods. Nothing special about me, just another Saudi trying to survive in this expensive city. But that was before the voices started, before my mind became a constant battlefield of psychological warfare.

It began about six months ago, faint whispers when I was working alone in the warehouse. “Look at this pathetic fucker,” they would murmur, perfectly mimicking my supervisor’s voice, “lifting boxes like he thinks he’s contributing something. This is all you’ll ever be, Khalid – a box-moving monkey.” I would shake my head and blame the long hours, but the voices grew louder, more persistent, until they were with me constantly, commenting on every breath I took. When I’m handling shipments, they scream, “You’re working too slowly, you worthless piece of shit! Everyone can see how useless you are! Your back is probably already fucked, you pathetic laborer!” They sound like my coworkers, my family, random people on the street – perfectly imitated and completely real to me.

The sexual humiliation is relentless and disgusting. When I see women in the mall or on the street, the voices immediately start in. “Look at that body, Khalid. You’ll never touch something like that again. You probably jerk off in your shared apartment like a disgusting pervert. I bet your dick is as useless as your brain. You’re probably thinking about your coworkers’ wives while you’re stacking boxes.” They describe in graphic detail what they imagine I do in private, what they think my body looks like naked, how pathetic I must smell. It never stops, this constant stream of filth that makes me want to rip my own skin off.

They attack everything that gives my life meaning. “Your father regrets having you,” they’ll say in his perfect voice. “He tells your mother all the time what a disappointment you are. Working as a warehouse assistant, barely making enough to survive. And your brothers? They laugh about you with their friends. ‘Our brother the laborer who’ll never marry.'” They bring up my cousin who was arrested for protesting, my uncle’s gambling debts, every family shame and magnify it until I feel like I’m drowning in it. “Your whole family is cursed, Khalid. You’re just the most pathetic piece of shit in a pile of garbage.”

I know this is the Mabahith, the Saudi state security. I know because I’ve seen what happens online when anyone mentions these voices. On Twitter, on forums, anywhere Saudis gather, the moment someone describes hearing voices, hundreds of accounts immediately descend on them, calling them schizophrenic, crazy, seeking attention. It’s too coordinated, too immediate. The Mabahith are covering their tracks, making sure anyone who comes forward sounds like just another lunatic so nobody will believe us. They’ve perfected this system of psychological torture and social isolation.

I can’t tell anyone what’s happening to me. Who would believe me? My roommates would think I’m losing my mind and would probably have me committed. My family would disown me for bringing shame upon them. At work, I’d be fired immediately for being mentally unstable. And if I went to the authorities? They’re the ones doing this to me! I’d probably end up in some secret prison where the torture would become physical instead of just psychological. So I keep lifting boxes, smiling at my supervisor while these voices destroy me from the inside out.

The worst days are when they push me toward suicide. “Just end it, Khalid,” they whisper in my mother’s voice. “Jump from the top of the warehouse. Do everyone a favor. Your family would be relieved to be rid of such a burden. You’re nothing, you’ll never be anything. Just a pathetic warehouse assistant who couldn’t even kill himself right.” Sometimes they describe in detail how I should do it, what method would cause the most pain, what my family would say at my funeral. “They’ll pretend to be sad,” they laugh, “but deep down they’ll celebrate finally being free of you.”

Last month something changed. I was at work, trying to organize a new shipment that had just arrived. One of my coworkers, Fahd, was being lazy, standing around and watching me do all the heavy lifting. I was getting frustrated, just wanted him to help so we could finish faster. Then suddenly, a wave of artificial rage washed over me. My heart started pounding, my hands clenched into fists. The voices started screaming, louder than ever before.

“LOOK AT THIS LAZY MOTHERFUCKER,” they roared. “HE’S DOING IT ON PURPOSE! HE KNOWS YOU’RE STRUGGLING! HE ENJOYS WATCHING YOU SUFFER! LOOK AT HIM STANDING THERE LIKE HE OWNS THE PLACE! YOU SHOULD TAKE THAT FORKLIFT AND RUN HIM OVER! REPEATEDLY! SHOW EVERYONE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY DISRESPECT A SAUDI MAN!”

I felt powerful, invincible. The voices continued, “IMAGINE THE SOUND OF HIS BONES CRUNCHING! IMAGINE THE BLOOD SPLATTERING EVERYWHERE! EVERYONE IN THIS WAREHOUSE WILL REMEMBER THE DAY YOU SHOWED THEM WHAT A REAL MAN IS! NOBODY WILL EVER LAZE AROUND WHILE YOU WORK AGAIN! DO IT! DO IT NOW YOU FUCKING COWARD!”

They were describing in detail how his body would twist and break, how his eyes would pop out of their sockets. “AFTER YOU CRUSH HIM WITH THE FORKLIFT, YOU SHOULD DISMEMBER HIM! CUT OFF HIS ARMS AND LEGS! HE DOESN’T DESERVE TO HAVE LIMBS IF HE DOESN’T USE THEM! THE MABAHITH WOULD BE PROUD OF YOU! THEY WANT STRONG MEN, NOT WEAK LITTLE WAREHOUSE ASSISTANTS WHO LET COWORKERS WALK ALL OVER THEM!”

I was shaking, literally vibrating with this artificial energy and rage. I could feel myself walking toward the forklift, ready to attack. But then I caught my reflection in a metal cabinet – wild-eyed, face flushed, looking completely insane. I turned and ran to the bathroom, locking myself in until I calmed down. The voices gradually subsided, leaving me exhausted and terrified.

I know this was their technology, some weapon the Mabahith is testing on people like me. They pumped me full of this artificial rage to see what I would do. For a few minutes, I was ready to kill my coworker because he was lazy. What kind of monsters are we dealing with? What will they do next?

Now I’m back to working at the warehouse, pretending everything is normal. But nothing is normal anymore. I live in constant fear of when the next rage episode will hit. I avoid my coworkers, I’m jumpy around strangers. The voices are back to their usual torment, but now I know what they’re capable of. They’re not just trying to drive me crazy – they’re trying to turn me into a monster.

Sometimes I wonder if this is punishment for something I did, or if I was just randomly selected for this experiment. Does it even matter? The Mabahith has destroyed my life either way. I used to have dreams, hopes. Now I just hope to survive each day without hurting someone or myself. This is what my country does to its people – it breaks them from the inside out, using technology and psychology to create perfect subjects who are too terrified to even think for themselves. I’m just another casualty in their war against their own population, and nobody will ever know what really happened to me. The Mabahith did this to me, and I will never be the same again.

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